When I made the Luminaire video last year, the brief narrative arrived easily. This line was the only one I spoke directly to the camera. I didn’t really understand why. I’d never said or written it before, and it felt a little edgy—it doesn’t matter what we do?
It has slowly shaped into sense. Late Saturday I finished work and drove out for a forest fix and some fresh nettles. My phone rang, a Tennessee number. A solicitation on a Saturday? Replacing the phone in my bag, I immediately remembered. Smokejumper season. They come from all over the country, call at all hours, and have limited availability.
An hour later a very polite firefighter was on my table. This is the weirdest job, I thought yet again. Saturday night. I could have been tromping in the woods, on my way to Mavens’ Haven, AT the Haven having a nice dinner, out with friends…. I scanned my American Literature shelf and felt longing. Wonder if anyone would come to a class. I remembered my sister, who isn’t around now to enjoy any of this life.
My attention returned to the young man, and I felt completely, totally happy.
I did not matter where I was or what I was doing. It mattered that I was present, peaceful, and fully accepting of this choice.
Instead of getting tangled up in decision-making, wondering if we’ve doing the “right thing,” or worse, feeling regret, what if we arrive at the outcome with a FULLY accepting and ready heart. You know how this goes~ there is always something awesome if you see it.
Of course it matters what we do. I just don’t want to overthink it any more. All kinds of perfect choices for the perfect arrival.