I’m not a fighter. During conflict or tension, my default is to silently process, not speak up, let things slide. I’m trying to stay safe within all the tension.
This gives me ample opportunity to mentally stew or loop. In other words, it has a downside—my peace get hijacked by what I wish I’d said. I admire people who so confidently speak their minds.
So when there’s anything dicey politically, like a contentious election, I’ll tend towards silence or talking with people who agree with me.
So here it is—some approaches for when we’re mentally looping, stewing in our thoughts, having “monkey brain.” The neuro-biology is that we’ve trained our brain to think along specific neural pathways, so our thoughts automatically keep going there.
Some approaches to mental looping:
- Move your body and consciously redirect your thoughts—this takes attention and focus. You can do it! Add singing or repeating a mantra/prayer/affirmation if that helps.
- Add cross lateral movement—like criss-crossing your arms in front while directing your thoughts elsewhere. This helps to re-program those neural pathways. Zumba dancing is great for this.
- Get underneath the thoughts by asking, “What am I actually feeling?” Then investigate those feelings. Get under the first response by asking, “What deeper feeling is under even this feeling?” Keep going until you reach a deeper layer or a more granular, accurate feeling.
- Work with letting go of negative feelings by replacing them with other more positive feelings. For instance, I replaced being annoyed by my mom with humor—I’d chuckle and say, “Really mom? You just said that? That’s so funny/ridiculous.” Another example, when I feel scared by someone, I take a deep breath and try to feel compassion for them. Yeah, it’s a practice.
- Change or let go of small chunks of actions that go with the feelings. For instance, if you feel anxious by reading or watching the news, adjust your intake. For instance, if you feel scared talking about politics or whatever with someone, purposefully broach other topics.
- Journalling can help with the above strategies. Or talking with someone who knows how to listen and ask clarifying questions.
- Talking with people over and over about the same weighted topics can perpetuate the looping. Monitor your conversations to see how you want to shift them.
- If you’re trying to meditate and mentally looping, you’re brooding, not meditating. Get up and do something else.
- Meditating can help eliminate life drama that hijacks the meditation. This takes time and lots of potentially brooding sessions.
If any of this lands for you, let me know how you’re doing and what’s working for you. Not all of us are fighters, and I’m grateful for those of you who do speak up with respect and wisdom.
To learn more about working with feelings under thoughts, I’m finding practical ideas in Letting go, the Pathway of Surrender by David Hawkins.