It’s a simple one really. I have to get to Sedona, AZ for the next retreat with The Scientists. Do I stay in B-town overnight with R and fly out in the morning? Or drive straight to the Port for an evening departure? What about the return? Stay in B-town to get groceries, or skip the weird din of WINCO and drive home? Can I get to the Port early enough to park in the shuttle lot, or if I stay with R, park there and get a taxi….
Times like this I’m reminded of Barack Obama as President wearing the same suit and tie combo every day—he said it’s one less decision to make.
With The Scientists, we talk about this in coaching calls—they get hung up “researching” a hotel room for one night, choosing which students will be a good fit in the lab, figuring out how to pitch a proposal to which community for funding. Researchers especially get stuck in the verification stage of the creative process, where we test our material before taking an implementation step. One more assay in the lab before making conclusions, one more scan of hotel rooms before choosing.
What goes into a decision? What are the factors or criteria we use? With students I used to do “values clarification” work, where we looked at a spectrum of values, identified the ones that seemed to generally guide us, and considered which ones helped make a choice. Picking a hotel room? Do you value comfort, luxury, proximity, low cost, brand, or breakfast? Knowing your criteria or values helps expedite the decision.
How high or low are the stakes? If it’s just one night and your other choices are similar mid-range hotels, how long do you really want to spend on that decision? One trick is to know it’s a low stakes choice and just get it done. High stakes decisions deserve more care and attention.
In my when-to-fly case, I consulted E since her company is paying for the airfare, and I wanted to honor their budget. When she humorously noted my frequent trouble with decisions, I realized that my block resulted from a jumble of stories. The story I’m telling myself is…I don’t want to bother R with staying over. I don’t want to spend money on an extra, maybe not-necessary expense. I don’t want to inconvenience others.
Any story or sentence that begins with “I don’t want…” can be a red flag for negative thinking. It’s a useful exercise to flip it into a positive expression. I want to stay with R and see her. I want to honor the company’s budget. I want to participate in this activity with other people.
Do you see how this reframing shifts the field of decision-making? It gives me permission to do more of what I want—that’s being honest. It reveals that having a fun experience is more important than being frugal—values clarification. The stakes are pretty low, so there’s no need to waffle over this any longer.
While there are more considerations in making decisions, I hope you’ll have fun with these approaches. The story I’m telling myself is… can be a useful inquiry whenever we feel stuck or unsettled. We can save time, be more honest, and feel more confident.